Tali’s World

  Lately as I am shopping or just doing everyday tasks I end up staring off into space. I don’t even know why I do it. It’s like my brain malfunctions and it has to reboot. Then I come back and am like uh….. what was I doing. I even go “my brain broke.” I may say “my brain stopped.” What is bad is when your daughter has to keep being you back.  She was trying to get my attention in the store while we were shopping at Costco. I stopped in the aisle and just stared at something. Honestly, I forgot why I stopped to look at the item. I kept moving once she brought me back. What’s bad is she is telling me I am getting worse.  Even at work I am noticing simple words are not coming like they should. My thoughts just stop. I lose my train of thought. Somehow I get back to it and I continue on. I  told this all started when things got really bad at work. The stress started to pick up. Maybe that is true. My body doesn’t deal with stress well.  Honestly, if I want to be h...

  Last year I gave my narrative to my therapist. Telling him everything that I have lived through. Watching him react to the things that I described to him. Slowly realizing this isn’t supposed to be normal. Abuse, toxicity, gaslighting is not supposed to be normal. My whole life it was a normal part of my life. Even well into my adulthood it was normalized.  One of the biggest barriers I am learning is not bottling my thoughts, my feelings, and even my emotions.  For so many years I have been told that it was wrong to show those. It was a bad thing if I cried. If I cried it was showing I was weak. It showed that the person who hurt me won.  If I expressed anger, especially in school, the kids made fun of me for being angry or frustrated. I never had a safe place to show these feelings.  Then in my marriage time and time again I was told I was wrong. I was made to feel inadequate, worthless, unlovable, like I did something wrong. Truth is, it was never my fault....

  “Can we pretend that I’m fine?”  I say as soon as my therapist sits down. Before he even entered the room where I was at I had my tie almost finished. He knew then I was in a mood. My attitude was not normal and he could tell I was off. I just wanted to get the session over with. I didn’t want to do this tapping thing. I knew it was something that needed to get done.  Two weeks prior we started to prepare for EDMR. We started bilateral tapping. This is all things to help reprogram the negative out of my brain and fill it with more positives. To show myself that I am worth so many things. Even though I may not believe it right now. One of the biggest struggles is showing emotions and feelings. Growing up and even into my marriage I wasn’t never really allowed to show any form of feelings or identifiers. If I did I was put down for it. In my marriage I was flat out and told I was wrong for feeling whatever it was that I was feeling.  Lately, what I am hearing is “sto...

 I am a hearing person and I work a couple of deaf people.  I work with the deaf community.  At times I do hate being hearing.  Yes, I know that is probably wrong for me to say.  As a hearing person noise is too much for me at times.  It hurts my hears and gives me headaches.  At times to sit in silence is just an amazing thing to do.  I know if you are sitting here reading this and you are deaf, you are probably thinking the opposite.   You may want to be hearing. Since I started to work more and more with the deaf community I have been asked to interpret more and more. Especially for my deaf co-worker.  Something the hearing need to realize is the interpreting is for them, not you.  Sometimes it's easy for us to understand them.  It's not always easy for them to understand you.  After today I realized how important that was. After talking with my co-worker who happened to be deaf he was telling me this.  He was...