2021 Comes to an End

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 As I sit in the tub relaxing before the new year rings in, I am thinking about this year. I am thinking about the ups and the downs. Everything in between. I had no idea this was going be such a trying year.

When February rolled around I noticed my daughters mental health was suffering. It finally took her coming into my room one night. Telling me she needed help. Those words a parent never wants to hear. Within a day we took her to the mental hospital. She began to get help. After 10 days in the hospital we didn’t know what was going to happen next.

Over the next several months I fought for her. I fought with doctors and everyone I could. I was told she was to old for pediatric care and to you g for adult care. My daughter at the time was 17 years of age. I was seeing how easy it was for students to fall between the cracks.

When July rolled around, my mental health was suffering. I didn’t even know it. I was missing appointments and wearing myself thin in trying to take care of my child. I finally called my new therapist and said “I need help”. Shortly, after getting help I was able to help my daughter more.

The beginning of August I was now in the ER with a 12 day migraine. I wasn’t getting any relief. I had tried everything I could. I was attempting to work when I could and attend therapy. After attending an event, I realized I was in trouble. I was now dizzy and ready to get sick. I went into the ER the next day. I was told it was a bad migraine. I got a wonderful cocktail. I was released with some new meds.

Just a matter of a couple of weeks I was in the ER yet again. I was now there for my mom. My mom was there for shortness of breathe. We thought this was a normal thing. They’d send her home after a short few hours. We found out, she was indeed having a heart attack. We both we were stunned and didn’t even know what to do.

Here I was trying to care for my daughter. Now, how to figure out how to take care of my mother. The guy I was seeing ghosted me the day my mom went in. My plate was so full, and I felt so alone. I didn’t even know what to do. My mom was in the hospital for several days.

Now my daughter is 18 years old, and I am 40. All of what I said so far happened before our birthdays. Sometime between summer and September we learned she has ADHD and Autism. We still need to get more tests done for that.

By the time Thanksgiving rolled around I was learning a thing or two. I removed people from my Snapchat and my Facebook. I had some haters. I am learning, I just don’t need them in my life. For the first time, I didn’t think twice about removing people. One of them has been a long time friend.

During this year my ex-brother-n-law lost his dad to covid. This was the first time I knew someone who lost their battle. Even though I have known so many who has suffered from it.

As this year is closing, I sit here and wonder what 2022 is going to bring. I will continue to work on me. Go to therapy and work on the 25 years of abuse I endured from people. Slowly, and finally, heal from that. Learn to love myself again. Learn to trust again.

Hopefully, I’ll see my daughter graduate. She will attend college for what she wants to do. She has talked photography to ASL interrupter. Who knows, what I will do. I’m hoping to find a guy who loves me for me. I pray my mom lives another year.

Happy Nee Year Everyone!!

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