I Hate My Submissive

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 Some days I absolutely hate my fucking submissive side. Yes, I am not supposed to submit at to just anyone. I generally do not. Doms, have to earn my trust, my support, etc before I even call them sir. Only my Sir earns the title with the capital S. 


I have a lot of Dom or Domme friends. I don’t have very many submissive friends. The few I have are heavy switches. I tend to even coward down to them at times. No, I don’t consider myself an Alpha submissive. Maybe in my vanilla life I am. Not in my kink life. 

Over the course of the past few weeks I have found that I am submitting and I don’t even notice. If I do, it’s way after the fact. The other day I was spiraling out of control with my thoughts. My friend told me chill the fuck out. My first thought was “yes, sir”. He had to remind me that my sub brain doesn’t have to go all the time. For some reason now it’s going non stop. I don’t know how to calm her. 

I have a switch friend who I absolutely adore. I was having trouble taking no for an answer on a situation that could have potentially put her life in danger. I wanted her safe. I said if I find out you do this thing I’m going to lecture you 😆. She stood tall and asserted her Dom side. I coward down to her. I was like ok nevermind. 😆 Even though we were playing around I submitted to her. 

Lately, I have been talking to this Daddy. He isn’t my Daddy. He wants to be. I find the more we talk the more I am wanting to submit to him. I find I am in some ways. I don’t even know how to stop this. 

I am finding my submissive side is coming out more and more. I don’t have control of her. My primal is coming out with her. My primal wants to fight and my submissive just wants to, we’ll, submit. I find when I am in overloud, stressed, or feel well insecure, it’s hard to control her. I wish at times I knew how. Why does it take someone to speak sternly to me before I can regroup?  

Being a submissive is so embedded in me. I know this. At times I wish she wasn’t.

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