I think I’m Losing It, Mobility

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 A week ago I went to the doctor for shoulder pain and some minor hip pain. After I had e rays done everything looks fine. They see it’s nothing but muscular and have to do with veins. Ok, great, now what? There isn’t anything anyone can do. They can just pump me full of meds. It’s not arthritis and it’s not bone, so it’s not really ortho.  


I watched my mom for years lose her mobility due to arthritis and just laziness. I say this because I’d she felt any pain or just didn’t feel like walking she would sit down and scoot around in a chair. Clear across the room she’d wheel in her chair.  I would say “you need to get up and walk across the room or you’ll lose your mobility”. She would say “yeah, we will see.”  I watched this for years. Then she would take this same chair and wheel it to wash clothes because she could. Slowly, her mobility went. Now, stairs were hard, walking was hard, and every movement became hard for her. She is now 70 years old. She has no balance, little to no mobility. She only walks now to go to the bathroom and walks to the car. Everywhere else she pretty much wheels around on her walker. 

I am 40 years old.  I have had knee problems my whole life. Due to twisting them so many times as a kid. I take stairs instead of the ramp going into a building when I can. I, do little things to make sure I keep my mobility.  I am so afraid of losing it. Being super plus size doesn’t always help.  I walked when I could. I rarely ask for help and I push through the pain when I am having pain days. 

Over the past two years pain hasn’t been my friend. I have had shoulder pain.  Pain to be so painful it hurts to move my arm.  Yet, I keep moving it when I can. Now, hip and upper leg pain.  This has been over the past couple of months. As I stated above, the doctors can’t do anything about it. Here I am still trying to take the damn stairs, park a little farther at work. Somehow try and walk and push through this pain. I have tears streaming down my face in hopes no one will see. I tell everyone I am fine.  I don’t want people to know, I’m hurting.  

I don’t want to lose mobility. Everyone has said I’d be like my mom.  As much irritation I have with her, I can understand to a point now why she would scoot. At the same time walking to me is so important. Why would you want to lose it?  This pain karma?  I don’t know honestly.  I have thought about that. All I know me trying to walk in the mornings is so painful the walls hold me up.  After I walk around a bit the pain lessens on my hip.

 

I’m  only writing this as documentation. A documentation of my journey with this pain. They are tossing fibromyalgia around too. Who knows what is going on. Now, I need to learn to kink with this pain.  

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