Trauma and Rope

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Written Oct 10, 2018 on FetLife


Since I entered the lifestyle I have always loved bondage. I have loved to be restrained in many forms. It wasn’t until a few months ago that I really dived into rope. The first time I felt rope hit my skin and the feeling I got was amazing and all I wanted was more of it. The natural high I was getting from it was even better. Then Sir decided he wanted his hand at being a rigger. Well, now even better. I no longer had to rely on another Dom to be my rigger. You are probably asking what does this have to do with my trauma or trauma in general.

A couple months ago I was bound to what I call the church chair. As the rigger was placing rope around me he got a little close to my neck. I began pull at the rope. I was thinking it was around my neck. Even though I knew it was just over my shoulder. Then the next strand of rope over the next shoulder. The more I began to think about rope around my neck. That night I had trouble orgasming through a forced orgasm. I was able to calm myself down enough to realize I was safe the whole time with this rigger.

A few days ago I was with my Sir who is learning rope. We have learned that the connection we have is rather intense. I hit subspace faster than I can blink while he wraps his alarms around me. He slides the ripper around me and under my breasts. This time as he brought it up over my shoulder o started to pull at it. Like I had once before. Mind you I have done this bind many times before. For some reason I was getting triggered. I was pulling at the rope wile in subspace. Here comes the rope over the shoulder. I was grabbing rope again and tighter. Apparently according to Sir I was now scratching my chest as I was pulling the rope.

He noticed that I was deep into subspace/ropespace that I was very nonverbal. He slowly undid the rope. He saw I wasn’t in any danger. I was appearing to be ok despite the trigger I was facing. He knew what was happening in my head.

In 2016 I was choked by an old Dom til I blacked out/passed out. This Dom asked me if I was afraid of him. I said no. The more I said no the tighter this Dom grabbed me. The more I tried to grab his hands away the tighter this Dom grabbed my neck. The motion of me grabbing what I thought was this old Doms hands was rope. Even after the rope was gone. I was grabbing st thin air. He held my hands tight as I was in subspace and until I stopped scratching.

The thing is just because rope was a trigger then doesn’t mean it will be each time. Rope for me is way relaxing. It helps me to let go of the day. What is nice it’s helping me is that I can learn it’s ok to have rope near my neck. As long as I trust the rigger at hand. Which I have trusted both my riggers. They both have been amazing. They both have been great at getting rope off of me when they see a trigger. I have noticed I’m able to let them get closer to me on more of intimate levels than others. They are teaching things. I am growing as a sub. Which is always a good thing in this lifestyle.



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