Bullying

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 My whole life I was bullied. As long as I can remember I was bullied. My earliest memory was in 2nd grade. When I was supposed to kiss a boy at recess. That the boy never showed up. I learned he was never going to. It was a joke that was being played on me. I was devastated. 


As I was old enough to walk home from school the bullying got worse. At one the houses had these hard little cherries that the kids would pick. They would throw them at me for about a ½ mile. Once I got close to my house and theirs, they would stop. This was a daily thing throughout elementary school. 


When we were old enough to watch Stand by Me, things got worse. The kids made fun of me like they did the kid in the movie. I was also called whale, pig, so much more. I just tried to blow it off. It always hurts. 


When jr high rolled around things got worse. My mom thought it would be cute to write letters to me. Act like a boy liked me. She thought it was helping. It would boost my self esteem. Instead, it made me feel worse once I found out. 


We also had to run the mile. I couldn’t do it. The kids would laugh and make fun of me as I struggled to make it around once the track. I would hear the jeering and taunting. I’d walk off the field in tears. I’d hide in the gym. I’d get in trouble, but I didn’t care. I was so tired of it. 


I wasn’t getting relief at home either at this point. I’d eat something healthy and my step-dad would get on me. I was always eating too much. Even if it was an apple. It was too much. This is where my hatred for food started. My starvation would start. 


When high school rolled around, I was called a tease. Made fun of the people I dated.  I was made fun of for just living. By this time it had gotten worse. I was running two miles a day, eating one meal a day, and still wasn’t good enough. I would get told why I was getting better grades in PE. I was fat, I should be failing. No matter what I did, the bullying was always there. 


When I became an adult and married, you’d think it would stop. Instead, I’d get asked why I was eating that food, how could I be hungry, how can you eat that?  I was told my clothes made me look fat. I wasn’t pretty anymore. These words were by my husband. 


At my daughters' elementary school, the younger kids would call me fat. I couldn’t escape from the teasing. Here I was making a full loop. The bullying has slowed down for the most part now. Occasionally, I’ll hear nasty comments. It’ll make me not want to eat anymore. That’s something I am working on. 


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