Something I am Not

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 Yesterday I got accused being something I am not. Due to a blog I wrote on here. Which I have now taken down. In that blog I stated about an event that took place just a day prior. Was explaining, or trying to explain how people could hate a race on those factors. 

The problem is, I don’t hate any race. The night of the event I had a hard time not blaming the race. I wanted to hate them. I knew deep down it wasn’t the race that caused me to feel threatened. It was the person who just happened to be a person of color. 

As I was trying to explain this I had talking about how the neighborhood in question had gotten more violent, had more robberies, etc since the BLM movement. A lot of the surrounding stores were broken into. Some stores didn’t open up for days afterwards. Just a few months ago a place got robbed. How can you not explain how an environment is without stating certain things?

When the event happened, it was one of the most scariest things that happened. Honestly, I didn’t know if this person had a gun on them or not. As I stared at him through my car window. With the neighborhood I was in I would not have been surprised if did. 

My best friend of nearly 20 years is a person of color. I’d do anything for her family. She is like a second mom to me. I have another friend of a person of color who has been there a lot for me. Even during this time. I had asked them how do you not hate a race after this?  It’s when he reminded me it’s their actions I hated not the race. We talked a long time about it and my feelings about why I felt the way I did. Not once was he offended. 

The thing is people come on my blogs and read it, then just jump to something. I know my words don’t always come out like they are supposed too. They fail me sometimes. I get this. When I talked to a couple of people who read my blog. They questioned me first before they just jumped to the conclusion of something I’m not. Once I explained what I was trying to portray they understood it. They said yeah your words failed you here. 

Those who know me have questioned me. Asked me the intent behind my blog. Sometimes there is more to it. Ask questions before you react. By the actions that took place last night left me feeling unsafe, alone, feelings I can’t talk to no one, feeing I have no safe place to blog, etc. I’m afraid my words on my personal blog is going to be thrown against me. My words in general will be used against me. 

With that being said, I’m taking a break probably from blogging. I don’t know who I can trust. Who won’t use my words against me. Call me things that I’m not.  

✌🏼

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