TW: Hannah vs My Story

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Have you seen 13 Reasons Why? Yes, you have. Good, because this is about that. If you haven’t, there is spoilers. If you don’t care to watch it and read on, please note this is full of triggers. 

I’m the fall of 2016, I picked up the book 13 Reasons Why. I read the back and I didn’t think much about it. I had been free from self harm for 12 years now and I was in a good place. Well, so I thought. I read the book in two days, which I do not recommend. That is the fastest I ever have read a book. Even to this day. 

As I read the story of Hannah I was feeling her pain. I knew her pain all too well, and I couldn’t help her or save her. That pain I felt was just as real to me as it was to her. Hannah’s story was my story. 

13 – 15 years old I had made out with two guys at this point. One of them was my ex boyfriend and one was supposed to be my best friend. My boyfriend when I was 13 years old sexually assaulted me and I had no clue until later in life. At 14 & 15 my best friend raped me. I wont go into the details of neither of those. 

Due to those two things I was labeled a tease. I wouldn’t give it up, I was a tease. That was my reputation all over the high school. That I, was a tease. I wrote a note to someone one day exposing my abuse to them. The kids all laughed. Except the part when I was molested. 

I was bullied terrible just like Hannah. Everything that happened to her I experienced but just slightly different. Her high school years were mine. Even down to the self harm. The only difference, I didn’t succeed in trying to kill myself. I had friends who stopped me each time. I tried three times. I was stopped three times. I even wrote suicide notes. 

People ask me about my past. If they want to know so bad, watch this series. Only season 1. That’s my story. That was my life. How I survived, I don’t know. My therapist honestly doesn’t know how I survived. He reminds me all the time. “You are so resilient, you survived this”.

I will leave with you this. Don’t feel sorry for me. Just be kinder to people, love more, do better, and just be better. You may not know what they are dealing with.

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