Being Ghosted

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 The guy I was dating said “you’ll find someone in no time. You’re a beautiful woman.”  That was in 2019 and when my life changed yet again. Here it is 2022 and I am yet still single. I have been stood up and ghosted more times than I can count. 


In 2021 I attempted to date this younger guy. I was thinking older didn’t work, so younger will. I was wrong yet again. When my mom went into the hospital for a heart attack the guy stopped talking to me. I stopped dating after that. That was in August of 2021. 


I decided it was time to focus more on me and figure out my shit. Figure out what I wanted. Figure out boundaries and all that good stuff. I had turned off all my dating apps and gave up on looking. I was now focused on me. 


As time went on I learned more about myself. I learned things I didn’t know. I discovered emotions that were locked up. I was learning how to let people in. Especially when I feel so broken. I have done a lot of work to be where I am at. So I decided it was time to try again. This time is going to be different. So I thought. 


I opened up my dating apps yet again. Over the course of a couple of weeks I have been hurt yet again. I was told recently “you are cute enough to lay under”. I didn’t even know how to respond to that one. I finally said “I’m cute enough to fuck but not cute enough to date?”  I was blocked. 


As a plus size girl do you get how this hurts?  I’m not cute enough to date?  I mean really?  Then I think back on the relationship I had a year ago. At times I feel like this was the case. I was cute enough to fuck. I wasn’t cute enough to take home. 


Recently I had set up a date with someone. The first time I had set one in over a year. I had hoped that I would be able to go on a date. Instead after talking for a week with this person. I was ghosted yet again. 


How does one not take this personally?  How does one not look at themselves and go what did I do wrong?  The thing is when people do this to others and just leave. They can’t fix what was wrong. 


People wonder why others grow hard. Their walls are built high. In all honesty, I’m learning most men are the same. You can’t trust a person who says “I’m not like other guys.”  Honestly, those who have said that I have been ghosted by. 

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