Tali’s World

 Trigger Warning: talks of suicidal ideations, self-harm, and depression Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. As I sit here this morning waiting for my house to wake up, I am thinking about several different things. For just a moment, I am going to be open and vulnerable. Which I know is a shocker for some.  This time last year I was battling depression pretty bad. Those who saw me daily, watched this struggle day in and day out. My mom was battling AFIB. She was in and out of hospitals. Then in and out of nursing homes for rehabs. For a small moment, I didn’t think she was going to make it to Christmas. I told people that. I would say “if she makes it to Christmas, I’ll be surprised.”  She did, she made it through another year. The thing is, I don’t talk about my personal life very often. Because it’s just that, personal. I didn’t talk about the internal struggles I was facing last year. A lot of times, I don’t even know I knew how to express into words.  When people go throug...

  As the year once again comes to a close, I found myself looking back on this year. I see the ups and the downs. I see the paths that were difficult. I see the paths that were healing.  In a years time my mother went into a nursing home. I could no longer take care of her. Her medical needs surpassed anything that I could for her. Her mobility went downhill very quickly and she went into a-fib. This past year, I have had to do it on my own. I still don’t know how I did it.  I learned how to be an adult. I learned more about what bills needed to be paid. More than that, I saw what bills I needed to acquire. Such as homeowners insurance. Living in tornado alley, it’s something I should have. I made it on my income and my alimony, but barely. As the year closes I am most likely losing my alimony. That will be difficult. Thankfully my daughter is working part time. That does help.  Earlier this year I watched my mental health slide a little bit. In March of this y...