I Want to be Wanted

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 Walk into work and I hope that I am seen. Yet, so many of those I work are already spoken for. It’s hard to feel like I can be seen in a world that is fast paced like the job I am in. I am surrounded by so many good looking people. Several of them are so nice to chat with and work with. Yet, I just want to be seen. 

The moment I feel like a conversation is going somewhere, it stops.  Stops cold and we don’t speak again. Even though I see them in a regular basis. Not even sure of what I did or what I said. I go back thinking if I just fade in the background is best the way to go.  

I go home after a long day and attempt to fall asleep. Yet, my brain goes nonstop telling me that I am not worth it. I am not pretty enough. I am not thin enough. No matter how much I am myself it’s not good enough. My mom’s words still ring in my head after all of these years. “No man will ever want you.”  I just wonder if she was right.  When she shouted those words out of anger.  

I want someone in my life who will stand up for me and just be by my side. From work to home life. I want to be with someone who loves me for me. In all of my crazy brashness. I like to have fun at work. Somehow I feel like I’m everything I do is wrong. I need to be this little miss perfect person. I need to pretend that I am not this person who I am. Just so I can be seen and wanted. I wish I knew how to get someone to want me. The way I want to want someone. 

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