Tali’s World

  I pulled up to therapy today and parked my car. I stared at the door and decided what to do. I looked at the time and saw I had about 15 minutes before I had to go in for my session. I turned off my car and cracked my window. I continued to figure out what I was doing.  I was beyond nauseous and I felt like throwing up. I took meds to help me feel better before I left the house. For the first time in all of my years of therapy I was sick to my stomach at the thought of going in. I was trying to distract myself by playing on my phone. All I could focus on was the anxiety and the way my leg was twitching in the car.  As the time ticked on I was hoping my nerves would settle down. They only increased as time passed. By now it was about time to go in for my session. I still didn’t know how I was going to get out of this car. Then I looked up.  My therapist was walking by me. I said to myself “oh great, I have been spotted.  Now I have to go in”. I still didn’t know how I was going in tod

  I have had a lot of feelings brought up over the last few days. This past Saturday I was at a friend's house when I got a text I thought I’d never get. I was told my rapist was back on social media. His picture staring back at me in the text. As I sat there confirming who it was I began to shake.  I have suffered from PTSD since 2016. It’s when I was first diagnosed. I have been having panic and anxiety attacks way before then. I am not a stranger to these feelings. That night I never felt that way. I have never felt the shaking as bad as I was. I never felt the anxiety and panic hit me like a freight train.  I notified my friends and let them know what was going on. I stared at them. All I could do was like in their eyes and keep repeating “what are going to do?”  The terror in my eyes and reality has left me. My first thought through all of this was “am I believable now?” For several people, didn't believe it. Here I stand with my friend thinking am I believable now?  What

 I remember as if it was yesterday  Driving out of a small town Down dark roads No cell reception  I remember feeling frightened  Scared Violated  Like I just dreamt what happened Tears running down my face I made a call “I think I was raped” I cried Feeling stunned Those words just left my mouth I spoke in detail of the night I was hoping it was a no The voice on the other end “Yes, that is rape”  I no longer could hear Driving 80 mph down a dark highway  Figuring out how to get home Barely any cell cover Till the next two towns over I drove as fast as I could Telling my story My face stained Barely able to focus I hung up and called a friend “Can I come over” I drove there as quickly as I could She looked at me She knew I hugged her and then collapsed I sat on the sharp gravel  Not feeling a thing The numbness kicked in The tears stopped I had no more to shed I finally spoke Told her what happened I bare got the words out She saw red I sat there for what seemed like hours Who really

Back in 2018 I was raped by someone in the community. My life turned upside down. Not only was I raped, I lost friends, I was told it was my fault, I was victim blamed, and even outed with my real identity. My life hasn’t been the same since that day in June.  I attended a munch the next day. I told someone I would prior to what happened. I didn’t want people to think I was going to bail. I didn’t want people to think something was wrong. Then my attacker showed up at the same event as me. He tried to talk to me. Even tried to get me to smile. I did my best to ignore him.  At some point of the night I wanted to leave. I was telling the leaders I was leaving. When they tried to hug me I flinched. They pulled me off to the side and asked what that was all about. I vaguely told them. I wasn’t going to out my attacker. Honestly, I don’t know why I wanted to keep it a secret. My friend finally told them who it was.  After the talks began of what happened to me I ended up writing about it on

I tend to stay quiet most days when it comes to seeing how people are treated in retail. I think a lot of it is, I worked it for many years. In some ways, I still do. Not even in retail so much my vanilla job requires me to have a good sense of customer service. Even if I am being treated shitty. When I was just starting off at a huge retailer just after high school I was a taught one thing. It has always stuck with me. It was this… “ you work here, we should never hear you bad mouth another company in our store. That is bad customer service.” I didn’t think much about until I moved to Florida. When some of the stores felt like they were all high and mighty. Even would spread lies about other stores. They lost my business when they started that. I was a huge customer of theirs too. Even to this day I still practice that. I don’t go around bad mouthing other companies. I no longer work for big retailers. You won’t hear me bad mouth them to someone who wants to go there. Here on FetLife

July of this year I took on an office job. I was thrilled that I did.  For the first time that I took this job, I felt lost. This past Friday I was warned that my contract may be ending early. I honestly didn’t understand why. With everything I had over this past month, there was talk of letting me go 3 months early.  I was stunned and I couldn’t believe it. My boss saw me upset and almost wished she hadn’t given me a heads up. What she didn’t know is everything that has transpired just a week ago. It was me having a dream that the higher up was going to lay me off and my boss was going to throw a fit. Here it looked like things were coming true.  My boss assured me I was taken care of. I had many people who would back me also. I was a hard worker and very dedicated to my job. No matter the position they put me in. I rocked my position like a boss. I didn’t even flinch when things got hard when we were down 5 people with covid.  As the weekend happened I was trying really hard not to w

  When I was 16 years old I got my first job. I worked in a nursing home about 30 minutes from where I lived. My mom was a CNA at the time. I worked with the kitchen staff. I didn’t completely hate it there. I didn’t like it either really.  The people were overall friendly.  When I moved further south to the Champaign area I started work at a movie theater. I was about 17 years old at this time. I was getting ready to be a junior in high school. I did hate that job and was there two weeks til I found Berean Bookstore. There I stayed for nearly two years. I was there til graduation. At least near graduation. After Berean I worked at Walmart from about 2000 to about 2003.  In Feb 2003 I got fired from missing too much work. They couldn’t find my doctor's notes. Here I was nearly pregnant. I couldn’t keep anything down. Such is life right?  By the time my daughter came into this world my ex husband barely started working full time himself. I never did find a job. From 2003 to 2018 I d